I'm a grown ass woman.

It's times like these, as I try to spread my wings and develop more of an attachment to this place that I realize that it's definitely not what I need. I'm starting to learn that I only need to do what is necessary, rather than try to build relationships and friendships out of nothing. As amicable as I try to be, there are other forces out there that refuse to just move on with their lives, pulling me back into the abyss and darkness that lies behind the sunny facade that is San Diego.

I try not to let things bother me, but this is the type of stuff I try to learn from, to grow from, and to move away from. It becomes a point of motivation, in which I realize it's not what I need. As graduation gets closer and closer, I'm more and more interested in focusing on my career, and being self-sufficient.

I rarely think about you, and what you say about me. When it does, it fuels my emotions and is a constant reminder as to why I am here, and why I will never go away.

Eventually, you're going to have to grow up. When you do, I'll be there, not to shake your hand, but to continue as I always have, and ahead of the game.

That funny feeling

Last night, I got to hear Boyz II Men perform. I forgot what a big fan I was of them! Throughout my biggest growing years, their songs were such a staple of my musical tastes. I even remember singing their songs on the karaoke machine. I kept denying the fact that I wanted to see them, and I just didn't care to anymore. But as soon as they hit the stage and sang "Motown Philly", it was over. They woo'ed me like no one ever could. I sang along and fought that same urge, but it was too powerful. It was such a nostalgic feeling that overcame me, and eventually moved me to repossess the passion I had for music in general. I mean, I know my tastes have changed, but it's nice to know that I am still able to appreciate the songs I use to listen to. The fact that I also worked with Josh helped immensely. His I-pod contained a majority of what I use to listen to, and it revived the connoisseur within me. I might be back, and it's just in time. School starts next week, and I need a way to relax when I need to.

I don't want to lose that sense and part of me again, but I do want to rediscover it.

I'm ready.

Moulin Rouge - Come What May

Restaurant week

This week, over 150 different restaurants will take part in Restaurant week. Each restaurant sets a 3-course menu at a specific price, either $20, $30, or $40. There are so many restaurants I want to try out! I realize that I should be saving money, but come on, it's Restaurant week! You've got to let yourself indulge once in a while in the fantastic and memorable tastes of some of the finest chefs out there. A set price like this is such a deal, why wouldn't you take part in it? Escargot or clams, Maine lobster, and creme brulee, for 30 dollars a person. That my friends, is definitely a deal. With all the hard work we do, it's nice to do something special for yourselves once in a while.

This Friday, I'm going to a concert. Not just any concert...

dun dun dun

John Legend and Estelle!

I remember how I felt the first time he came to this sunny town. John Legend, at the House of Blues. It was depressing to be so close to someone, yet, I wasn't old enough to even attend the concert! Also, I wasn't smart enough to work that night and slightly experience it. I have learned from that experience, and I am glad that I missed it. I have a feeling I would have been more sad to know that he was so close, and only a wall separated us. Not this time. This time, I will be so close, I'll be able to see him croon and sing to me. Now would be a good time to catch up on his new album. Let's hope they have some merchandise I can send home to my sister.

There are some concerts I regret missing, and I'll regret them for a while. About a week ago, George Clinton was here. George Clinton! P-Funk! Not to mention, Sly Stone even came out! ugh. I need to be strong enough to do these things on my own again. I also missed Anthony Hamilton.

Who am I looking forward to? Well, obviously John Legend, but also Adele. As for the week, it's time to celebrate the last week of the Winter break.

Here I go again.

Estelle - Come on Over

Down to the teeth

I went to the dentist yesterday, and the news I received wasn't all that surprising. As a college student who relies on herself for sustainability, there are certain things that must be sacrificed so I can obtain others. One of those all important things: Healthcare.

I've been paying increasing attention to my health, my body, and what I put inside it. I brush twice everyday, along with using Listerine. I've been flossing every night before the Listerine. I'm experiencing the consequences of that sweet tooth. 2 root canals, and all 4 wisdom teeth need to come out. I have to make up for the time I've lost taking care of my teeth. I definitely do not have the funds required to pay for such dentistry. I don't have a full time job to provide the benefits I need, and I certainly can't afford it myself. This is one of the reasons why it's so important for me to obtain a full time job after graduation. I need to grow up.

Life will never be the same as it was, and I feel there will be a shift in the atmosphere. I took the bus to work this morning, drowning in the soft melody of Goapele and her soulful sound. It was reminiscent and comforting to be enveloped in that calmness. As I walked the four blocks from the bus stop to the House of Blues, the songs continued to envelope me that I didn't want to let go of that feeling. Which is precisely why I'm choosing to remember it here.

Oh beautiful world. I want to hide from you, but I want to embrace your warmth at the same time. I'm not ready for you, but I don't want to miss out on everything you're willing to give me. I want to get closer to my dream. Higher..and higher..and higher...

Goapele - Closer

What is this? An emotion?

As time gets eaten away by daily activities, I'm finding that I need to prepare myself for the last grueling semester of my college experience. I don't mean grueling in a bad way, rather, it'll just be incredibly busy. Here's an idea of what it'll look like:

My school schedule will be strictly on Tuesdays and Thursdays

8:00AM - 8:50AM: Media Literacy
9:00AM - 9:50AM: Social Policies and Social Issues
10:00AM - 10:50AM: Marketing
11:00AM - 11:50AM: Communications Capstone: Conceptualizing and Investigating Communication

I'll be working 25-30 hours a week so I can pay for my housing and bills and along with that, a minimum of 15 hours a week as a non-paid marketing intern.

I'm debating on whether or not I should make this internship a class, but I think I'd rather learn from a teacher than on my own for a class I have no experience in.
I know I'm dedicating a lot of time this semester, but it's something I need to do so that I don't limit myself to one area of expertise. There are so many things at stake: my job, my marketing experience, my graduation, and my relationships with others. This is my last semester to prove myself and overcome these final obstacles.

I can do this. I've done it before, I can do it again.

As the fog rolls over...

you tend to lose sight of yourself and everyone around you.

I wish I was as beautiful as you, both inside and out. I wish I was as beautiful as all of you, but the little child inside of me keeps receding into my inner being, neglected by my id. But it's okay, it's an inner suffering that I embrace.

With all of the world's demands, it's difficult to keep your ethics and morals in check, along with the magical and spiritual demands the self needs to preserve. There are so many dialectical tensions we encounter that they keep your mind in a constant whirlwind. I want to train my mind to seek its happy place. The place where the Rose bushes flourish and the Orchids embrace the sun. Where the grass is always greener and the butterflies roam about. A homely place created by all the elements your mind needs to rest, relax, and recharge itself for what reality throws at you.

In this relationship, I'm learning to not be so selfish. I miss the single life, and doing what I want, but this is a learning experience I need to appreciate. I'm not ready to think ahead. We'll see what the world has to offer as time goes by.



Regina Spektor - Better

Ode to the Gregorian Calendar

My new year has been off to a great start, and I hope that proceeds to be the momentum for my satisfaction and fulfillment. Despite the fact that I had NYE off, I still went to the HOB to celebrate, and it was a good move. Free admission, free drinks, and good company. Designated driving through that foggy road, I foresaw obstacles to overcome, but I also saw everything else I was blessed with. That's really all that matters to me. For what is satisfaction without some suffering to go along with it? I don't think I'd enjoy my life if it was too easy, if I didn't have to work hard. I wouldn't know what to do with myself, I wouldn't be who I am today.

I've purchased my last and final pack of cigarettes. That's my only resolution. It's feasible. When I shared this with Guy, he told me he'd also decided to quit. What is a work day without the casual frequent smoke breaks from him? I think we're all learning how to be patient. I'm trying to utilize my Canon Powershot more often, because I think it's important to create memories to look back upon. I'm reviving my image, not re-creating it, because I want to celebrate who I am inside and out.

I think I celebrate myself a lot, but it's not in the pedestrian sense. It's a bit more spiritual. The gift of giving is something I want to embrace, and I mean this in a more full sense.

It's a sweet life, and I've been able to celebrate the holidays in such a fantastic way, a way that's been more imaginable than I thought it could be. After a small hiatus, I'm ready to bounce back on my feet. Adult life, here I come.

Daft Punk - Digital Love

Let's bring it back.