I was reading Plato's Allegory of the cave in order to refresh my memory, and I realized that it confuses me now just as it did when I first read it. It doesn't make me sad, but it does move me to test the boundaries of my mind a bit more through literature. In school I always did such a half-assed job, and yesterday, as I reminisced about school, I felt pangs of regret. I'm a very intuitive person, but I'm just not as intelligent as I thought I was.
I kept a book from one of my rhetoric classes called Essential Readings for College Writers. It's time to exercise this brain again. I'm embarking on a journey to read the classic books and literature that continue to motivate and inspire thinking that's lasted for so many centuries.
I was feeling a bit displaced this morning, but since my mental workout, I'm returning to normal.
Ray Charles - That Lucky Sun
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Daughter-sick
My mother called me the other day and kept insisting that I move home. I find it pretty endearing that she misses me, but I think she misses the fact that I'm not around to yell at her. I know she has a strained relationship with my sisters, and although I love her and miss her, I don't have the resources to help her. If I were ever to win the lottery, I'd make sure my parents were well taken care of, as they've taken care of me.
Her insistence has embedded a sense of longing in me. I'm constantly thinking of how comfortable I'd be at home, the friends I've missed out on, and the friendships that have started to disappear. I love San Diego, but I'm still in love with Sacramento. There are so many things I'd like to do, but sooner or later decisions will have to be made.
What do it do?
Her insistence has embedded a sense of longing in me. I'm constantly thinking of how comfortable I'd be at home, the friends I've missed out on, and the friendships that have started to disappear. I love San Diego, but I'm still in love with Sacramento. There are so many things I'd like to do, but sooner or later decisions will have to be made.
What do it do?
People watching
is possibly one of the best aspects of my job. As I sit here nonchalantly waiting for people to call and ask questions, I'm able to constantly see cars drive by, cars try to parallel park, and people walk to the trolley station. This isn't the ghetto but there sure are some sketchy things that go on down here.
This whole weekend was a grateful experience for me. I was able to let go and be myself again. I've been eating more veggies so I feel a bit more energized than I was before, yet my drinking has remained the same. I don't know why I let myself do this, but how can you pass up the opportunity to share some jokes and laughter?
On Friday I went to see Chromeo do a DJ set at the Casbah, and although it's a small venue, I absolutely love it! It's cute, the people are extremely nice, and the drinks are low priced. I met Vaughn, the guy who makes the calendars for HOB and found him to be hilarious as well as charming. Good vibes came from him, and it was pleasant to meet nice people. Saturday, although I worked until 9:30, I got a free pass for street scene from Dave. I totally lucked out! I bought a new dress from Urban and went with Heather and Sam, meeting up with Emily in the process. I haven't purchased new clothes in such a long while, but I felt like I needed to get some fashionable clothing to feed my creative desires. I need attention, and I need it to be the right kind. I'm not looking for a relationship, but I'm more than willing to make new friends.
It's a difficult balance, but I want to be as extroverted as possible yet maintain my introverted self somewhere in there. I'm looking for some inspiration in the old me.
Belle & Sebastian - If she wants me
This whole weekend was a grateful experience for me. I was able to let go and be myself again. I've been eating more veggies so I feel a bit more energized than I was before, yet my drinking has remained the same. I don't know why I let myself do this, but how can you pass up the opportunity to share some jokes and laughter?
On Friday I went to see Chromeo do a DJ set at the Casbah, and although it's a small venue, I absolutely love it! It's cute, the people are extremely nice, and the drinks are low priced. I met Vaughn, the guy who makes the calendars for HOB and found him to be hilarious as well as charming. Good vibes came from him, and it was pleasant to meet nice people. Saturday, although I worked until 9:30, I got a free pass for street scene from Dave. I totally lucked out! I bought a new dress from Urban and went with Heather and Sam, meeting up with Emily in the process. I haven't purchased new clothes in such a long while, but I felt like I needed to get some fashionable clothing to feed my creative desires. I need attention, and I need it to be the right kind. I'm not looking for a relationship, but I'm more than willing to make new friends.
It's a difficult balance, but I want to be as extroverted as possible yet maintain my introverted self somewhere in there. I'm looking for some inspiration in the old me.
Belle & Sebastian - If she wants me
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Frankie says...
relax.
Lately I find myself getting extremely stressed out, yet I still find it so difficult to do something about it. I haven't been able to sleep well at all and I feel like it's taking a toll on me. My psyche is such a jumble with so many things to think about. Worrying about my career, or lack of, my financial situation, my family situation, and just my overall identity crisis. So many things to think about, but I haven't been able to find any solutions.
My self confidence has slowly grown, yet I'm still as shy as ever.
Janelle Monae - Smile
Lately I find myself getting extremely stressed out, yet I still find it so difficult to do something about it. I haven't been able to sleep well at all and I feel like it's taking a toll on me. My psyche is such a jumble with so many things to think about. Worrying about my career, or lack of, my financial situation, my family situation, and just my overall identity crisis. So many things to think about, but I haven't been able to find any solutions.
My self confidence has slowly grown, yet I'm still as shy as ever.
Janelle Monae - Smile
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Mercy Mercy Me
It's only 9AM and I had difficulty getting up. Since school's been out, I've had to find new things to procrastinate on, and the current thing to do is sleep in. It feels so good to let the dreams continue, even though I'm woken every 10 minutes by my alarm. You can only suppress yourself for so long.
Yesterday's Taco Tuesday was absolutely fantastic. El Zarape tacos to go and picnic at the park. We played on the Big Toy, played Sardine, freeze tag, and ultimate rock-paper-scissors. It's a delight to get back in touch with your child sometimes. It was a good feeling being comfortable with myself with friends in hand.
Today I'm about to cook some breakfast and dine with Heather on my patio. Teryaki tofu with sesame along with some steamed veggies and egg white omelettes. I'm going to keep it to a minimum though because I don't want to get so full that I can't enjoy my coffee. Just yesterday I realized how nice it was to sit outside on the patio, and decided some coffee and maybe newspaper or a guest would be a nice addition to this experience. The clean crisp air as well as the view of the run down canyon. haha what more could you ask for? it's just nice to know this place is mine. My haven, and it's been cleaned up so I can now have people over.
Opening tune of the day. Mayer Hawthorne still wins. I'm just trying to find ways to apply his lyrics to my life, and only a few songs are working, but I'm still dedicated to the rest. I actually really want his heart shaped red vinyl for "Just ain't gonna work out."
One of these days kitty.
Yesterday's Taco Tuesday was absolutely fantastic. El Zarape tacos to go and picnic at the park. We played on the Big Toy, played Sardine, freeze tag, and ultimate rock-paper-scissors. It's a delight to get back in touch with your child sometimes. It was a good feeling being comfortable with myself with friends in hand.
Today I'm about to cook some breakfast and dine with Heather on my patio. Teryaki tofu with sesame along with some steamed veggies and egg white omelettes. I'm going to keep it to a minimum though because I don't want to get so full that I can't enjoy my coffee. Just yesterday I realized how nice it was to sit outside on the patio, and decided some coffee and maybe newspaper or a guest would be a nice addition to this experience. The clean crisp air as well as the view of the run down canyon. haha what more could you ask for? it's just nice to know this place is mine. My haven, and it's been cleaned up so I can now have people over.
Opening tune of the day. Mayer Hawthorne still wins. I'm just trying to find ways to apply his lyrics to my life, and only a few songs are working, but I'm still dedicated to the rest. I actually really want his heart shaped red vinyl for "Just ain't gonna work out."
One of these days kitty.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
A strange arrangement
I've been listening to Mayer Hawthorne a lot more lately, and I'm absolutely falling in love with him and his album. He's bringing back that falsetto and acapella sound that's been missing in music lately. The lack of samples, the crooning, and not to mention his fashion style makes me reminisce. I honestly wish I could find more ladies interested in the same thing, ones that I know, not strangers. It would be utterly fantastic to find a best friend into the same variety of things I am.
I haven't been able to sleep well lately. I'm not sure if I'm just uncomfortable, or if I'm thinking too much. A few nights have been due to the latter, but there's not much I can do about it. I'm thinking of millions of different things and my mind races a mile every minute. There's that sense of stress that still lingers, as it well should. I've been lucky in the sense that some things have just fallen in my lap, and although I look forward to them, I shouldn't be expecting them. I shouldn't be expecting things from others, but rather from myself.
Remember Jennifer, happiness comes from within.
Mayer Hawthorne - A Strange Arrangement
I haven't been able to sleep well lately. I'm not sure if I'm just uncomfortable, or if I'm thinking too much. A few nights have been due to the latter, but there's not much I can do about it. I'm thinking of millions of different things and my mind races a mile every minute. There's that sense of stress that still lingers, as it well should. I've been lucky in the sense that some things have just fallen in my lap, and although I look forward to them, I shouldn't be expecting them. I shouldn't be expecting things from others, but rather from myself.
Remember Jennifer, happiness comes from within.
Mayer Hawthorne - A Strange Arrangement
Monday, August 24, 2009
This is not a test
I apologize for my lack of posts lately, but my life has been a bit of a whirlwind. I've been continuously trying to find "me" time in the midst of all this. Update shall we?
Well, Alex and I have decided it may be better to break it off, rather than try to squeeze each other into the little time we have. He's young, recently graduated, and has a good job. I don't think it's right to be the person to hold him down, especially when my schedule falls completely different from his. I need to focus on myself, and I have way too much pride to rely on others.
I've moved with Emily to a quaint little apartment in Hillcrest. I absolutely love it. We have our little pet corner, it's organized but needs a bit more decoration. I may stop by the thrift stores in the next couple days to find some art pieces to hang up. It's pretty central to everything I could need, and encourages me to walk around a bit more rather than staying cooped up inside.
My finances are still a bit sketchy, and it's stressful enough without having to worry about spending money with a significant other. I'm not a depressed person, but I go through little bouts of it due to my incapability to completely care for myself. I think this is a good time to devote to what I need to do to become a better person. It's like I ultimately believe that suffering makes you better, and it's definitely what I need.
I've started to listen to music again, and I can't fall asleep without its sounds in my ear.
I definitely needed this. I'm my biggest motivation.
She & Him - Sentimental Heart
My new favorite band.
Well, Alex and I have decided it may be better to break it off, rather than try to squeeze each other into the little time we have. He's young, recently graduated, and has a good job. I don't think it's right to be the person to hold him down, especially when my schedule falls completely different from his. I need to focus on myself, and I have way too much pride to rely on others.
I've moved with Emily to a quaint little apartment in Hillcrest. I absolutely love it. We have our little pet corner, it's organized but needs a bit more decoration. I may stop by the thrift stores in the next couple days to find some art pieces to hang up. It's pretty central to everything I could need, and encourages me to walk around a bit more rather than staying cooped up inside.
My finances are still a bit sketchy, and it's stressful enough without having to worry about spending money with a significant other. I'm not a depressed person, but I go through little bouts of it due to my incapability to completely care for myself. I think this is a good time to devote to what I need to do to become a better person. It's like I ultimately believe that suffering makes you better, and it's definitely what I need.
I've started to listen to music again, and I can't fall asleep without its sounds in my ear.
I definitely needed this. I'm my biggest motivation.
She & Him - Sentimental Heart
My new favorite band.
Whoa.
I'll be back here soon. I promise. There are some major updates that need to be shared.
See you soon ;)
See you soon ;)
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