Don't have a cow.

I don't know why it is, but I've got such an aversion to working out. I mean, I imagine it in my head, but I realize there are other things I'd like to do with my time. It's sad that I've allowed myself to laze around like this for so long. I've been watching the travel channel and they have this show regarding the best restaurants to pig out at. I can't even imagine that. I think I'm trying to disgust myself with all of these visuals in order to get my mind off of food. I think about it all the time. It's exciting to me. I like food, I can't help it. However, I like healthy food. Definitely not heart attack food.

My goal over the summer has been to go to the gym more often in order to get into shape. I think after the feat of college, this is my next goal. Well, after getting a promotion that is. I need to think of a strategy for this summer. I forgot that it's hard to depend on yourself. The amount of stress you go through can be insane, but it's a transition I need to experience.

I just had to pause to watch the show. A burger with lard on it? Fucking disgusting. I had a dream about chicken last night, and I really don't want to eat it anymore. Yay for aversions!

A wardrobe epidemic

Lately, my life has been a bit more redundant than usual, which I've accepted due to the brokeness of college life. What I mean by this is that I tend to now wear the same clothes over and over because of my ability to get away with it. I'm able to wear my favorites because I only see people once or twice a week. I decided it was time to take out all of my old clothes, and I had to be firm about this. If I didn't fit it anymore, if I didn't hold any sentimental value to this, I would have to throw it in the pile.

That pile became big. I've done this a few times already, and my closet has become a barren wasteland. I forgot how much easier it was to give away than to fill back up. I noticed that living in San Diego, in such a big beach community, I've become so much more self conscious. My fashion sense has dwindled. This here is a skin community. The more the better, and I can't compete with that. SDSU is the epitome of SD culture, at least, what we see all the time.

This woman inspires me again and again.

Before the Nova

I saw Lykke Li perform live last night and she is such a refreshing artist! She was a dancer, a singer, and an amazing performer. It made me sad to see the disappointment in her face as the crowd just stood there. While I can understand that the audience might have been absorbing her energy, I can understand the sad look on her face when she kept asking the crowd if they knew the songs. So boring! From a place where we boasted amazing high school rallies and extreme school spirit, not to mention celebrating just about every piece of artistry out there, it made me sad too.

If she never comes back to San Diego, I would completely understand. I've noticed this numerous times at so many different events. People just drain the spirit out of you, but never seek to replenish it.

Today I was able to clean my room. It's such a cathartic experience for me. I think when I'm mad, cleaning is my calming activity. I remember as a child, my mother always bugged me to clean my room. Geez, I can't believe how lazy I was. Now, as I organize the clutter, it seems as if the metaphor for seeing beneath the mess becomes a reality for me. It clears my mind and helps me to think about things much better than before.

Graduating is coming soon, and I feel ready. We'll see how the world treats me though. It might not agree.

Kleerup ft. Lykke Li - Until we Bleed

One of my faves

I remember learning about The Notwist from DJan and Jon when I used to drive to Moraga to visit them at St. Mary's. Consequence became my summer anthem, the source of that season's feelings of reminiscence. I cherish those moments and truly miss them. I feel as though I've become somewhat detached from the emotions that use to linger as the music swept over me.

With that being said, I'd like to introduce you to one of my favorite bands with one of my favorite videos:

The Notwist - Pick Up The Phone

Push a little more

Oh thunder in my heart
These razors cutting sharp
And leaves me with an ever bleeding scar
So soft, so suddenly
So that I can not breathe
I'm drawn into a circle painted black
Oh I'm hanging high
Oh won't you let me down
Back where I started at
You know I'm a little lost

Twin sized

I miss having my twin sized bed. It meant that I was still
independent. I was my own single entity. I do miss that, and it's a
large reason as to why I would like to live on my own. Despite being
in a relationship, there are many things I'd still prefer to keep to
myself, knowledge I don't want to share with anyone else. It's not a
matter of keeping secrets, for there's no intent in harming anyone. I
think just the fact that I need to be my own motivation is my
biggest motivation. I could be so sick with myself, but if I continue
living with this behavior, there's just
no end in sight. I need some tough love and I need to be the one
to provide that for me. It's too easy.

Does this mean I'm giving up on a spoiled life? Was I ever
that type of person to begin with? For as long as I can remember, I
don't believe I ever was. I don't think I can be. I'm missing the
conflict and the growth that I need. It saddens me, but I feel it to
be an inevitable change occurring in my life.

Lykke Li - Hanging High

In one ear

and straight out the other. I've realized that the last year was nothing but a waste of energy on my behalf. I haven't been interested in my studies for so long, and my grade point average has definitely dropped below preferences. You know, it might be important to have something to write about rather than keeping my opinion out of everything. What are blogs for other than something to read about? I wonder if any other people write about themselves for the entertainment. Every Tuesday and Thursday I enter into the same classes, and today I'm about to fall sleep.

I do want to continue my education, but I'm just so tired. I'm not completely sure why I am here.

Pushing Daisies

I can do better than this. I can do better than I have done in order to succeed. I admit, I've been a bit too relaxed when it came to my studies, and boy does it show. In fact, as I am sitting here in the library, I'm updating my blog. I woke up from a nap earlier and am still in a groggy mind state.

I have friends who are going to law school. I may have never imagined myself in that position, but I don't think it's time for me to give up yet. I think I can go further with my studies. I think I can find myself even more if I refuse to give up, maintain my optimism and determinism. Let's start in the now so the future can be bold.

John Bayless - Bach Meets the Beatles (Hey Jude)

Older Sister

I used to have a profound and deep love for Little Brother. I'm not sure what it was, but I think it's the ability to understand their references, the intertextuality of their lyrics. It's been a while since I've listened to them, so I think I may take a gander and enjoy them once again.

Little Brother - Whatever You Say

Word em up!

The Sob Story

As Spring break came to an end, I somehow found myself disillusioned with everything around me. The sudden urge to do my schoolwork overcame me, but I've lazily been half-assing my work. ahh things don't change much.

There were some high points to the week of supposed rest. I went to the After School Special CD release party at Kava lounge and it was a good turnout. I forgot what it felt like to support friends, and it's always in my memory that I have a plethora of friends back home who are just as talented, maybe even more. I may have lost touch with the people back home, but it'll come back. I'm just not in the same place as they are, as free as they are. Give it some time. I'm almost there. I am rather happy where I am right now, and I know that when the opportunity arises, I'll be prepared.

Have I lost that touch? That ability to have a conversation with someone? The innovation and creativity that makes me who I am? My wardrobe is amiss with the characteristics I use to portray, the taste of my personality.

Ahh, let's change what the world has to offer.

El torrente - Minus the Bear

Clear as the Ocean Blue

There have been numerous times in my life when I've discovered a sense of clarity in the ocean sea. My experience with it today wasn't the most subtle, as I squinted into the glaring reflection, a sign of future as well as the culture of the past. I bid you adieu as my eyes rest from the brightness of the light.

My ass is ready for sleep, but the light is still on.

Quick notes of my own, for my own.