Down to the teeth

I went to the dentist yesterday, and the news I received wasn't all that surprising. As a college student who relies on herself for sustainability, there are certain things that must be sacrificed so I can obtain others. One of those all important things: Healthcare.

I've been paying increasing attention to my health, my body, and what I put inside it. I brush twice everyday, along with using Listerine. I've been flossing every night before the Listerine. I'm experiencing the consequences of that sweet tooth. 2 root canals, and all 4 wisdom teeth need to come out. I have to make up for the time I've lost taking care of my teeth. I definitely do not have the funds required to pay for such dentistry. I don't have a full time job to provide the benefits I need, and I certainly can't afford it myself. This is one of the reasons why it's so important for me to obtain a full time job after graduation. I need to grow up.

Life will never be the same as it was, and I feel there will be a shift in the atmosphere. I took the bus to work this morning, drowning in the soft melody of Goapele and her soulful sound. It was reminiscent and comforting to be enveloped in that calmness. As I walked the four blocks from the bus stop to the House of Blues, the songs continued to envelope me that I didn't want to let go of that feeling. Which is precisely why I'm choosing to remember it here.

Oh beautiful world. I want to hide from you, but I want to embrace your warmth at the same time. I'm not ready for you, but I don't want to miss out on everything you're willing to give me. I want to get closer to my dream. Higher..and higher..and higher...

Goapele - Closer

What is this? An emotion?

As time gets eaten away by daily activities, I'm finding that I need to prepare myself for the last grueling semester of my college experience. I don't mean grueling in a bad way, rather, it'll just be incredibly busy. Here's an idea of what it'll look like:

My school schedule will be strictly on Tuesdays and Thursdays

8:00AM - 8:50AM: Media Literacy
9:00AM - 9:50AM: Social Policies and Social Issues
10:00AM - 10:50AM: Marketing
11:00AM - 11:50AM: Communications Capstone: Conceptualizing and Investigating Communication

I'll be working 25-30 hours a week so I can pay for my housing and bills and along with that, a minimum of 15 hours a week as a non-paid marketing intern.

I'm debating on whether or not I should make this internship a class, but I think I'd rather learn from a teacher than on my own for a class I have no experience in.
I know I'm dedicating a lot of time this semester, but it's something I need to do so that I don't limit myself to one area of expertise. There are so many things at stake: my job, my marketing experience, my graduation, and my relationships with others. This is my last semester to prove myself and overcome these final obstacles.

I can do this. I've done it before, I can do it again.

As the fog rolls over...

you tend to lose sight of yourself and everyone around you.

I wish I was as beautiful as you, both inside and out. I wish I was as beautiful as all of you, but the little child inside of me keeps receding into my inner being, neglected by my id. But it's okay, it's an inner suffering that I embrace.

With all of the world's demands, it's difficult to keep your ethics and morals in check, along with the magical and spiritual demands the self needs to preserve. There are so many dialectical tensions we encounter that they keep your mind in a constant whirlwind. I want to train my mind to seek its happy place. The place where the Rose bushes flourish and the Orchids embrace the sun. Where the grass is always greener and the butterflies roam about. A homely place created by all the elements your mind needs to rest, relax, and recharge itself for what reality throws at you.

In this relationship, I'm learning to not be so selfish. I miss the single life, and doing what I want, but this is a learning experience I need to appreciate. I'm not ready to think ahead. We'll see what the world has to offer as time goes by.



Regina Spektor - Better

Ode to the Gregorian Calendar

My new year has been off to a great start, and I hope that proceeds to be the momentum for my satisfaction and fulfillment. Despite the fact that I had NYE off, I still went to the HOB to celebrate, and it was a good move. Free admission, free drinks, and good company. Designated driving through that foggy road, I foresaw obstacles to overcome, but I also saw everything else I was blessed with. That's really all that matters to me. For what is satisfaction without some suffering to go along with it? I don't think I'd enjoy my life if it was too easy, if I didn't have to work hard. I wouldn't know what to do with myself, I wouldn't be who I am today.

I've purchased my last and final pack of cigarettes. That's my only resolution. It's feasible. When I shared this with Guy, he told me he'd also decided to quit. What is a work day without the casual frequent smoke breaks from him? I think we're all learning how to be patient. I'm trying to utilize my Canon Powershot more often, because I think it's important to create memories to look back upon. I'm reviving my image, not re-creating it, because I want to celebrate who I am inside and out.

I think I celebrate myself a lot, but it's not in the pedestrian sense. It's a bit more spiritual. The gift of giving is something I want to embrace, and I mean this in a more full sense.

It's a sweet life, and I've been able to celebrate the holidays in such a fantastic way, a way that's been more imaginable than I thought it could be. After a small hiatus, I'm ready to bounce back on my feet. Adult life, here I come.

Daft Punk - Digital Love

Let's bring it back.

My life as a marathon

The holidays have been hectic, and so time consuming, but I don't regret a single moment of it. This has been my year of blessing, and as I am on the verge of graduating, I want to prepare myself mentally, emotionally, and physically for what the world holds for me out there.

I had a welcoming family gathering on Christmas day, and while I didn't get to spend as much time with Alex as I wanted to, it made me remember how much I love him. I went out to different clubs with friends and it was such a reunion in so many different ways. Of course, you can't please everyone, and I didn't truly see every single person I wanted, it was more than enough to keep me busy for a straight week.

Secret Santa with friends. Secret Santa with coworkers. White elephant with family. So many wonderful gifts from Alex and his family! I feel so spoiled, and I'm so grateful for that.

Dave's potluck was fantastic. Joyous melodies, tons and tons of food, and good cheer. This was the reunion of my life. Absolutely everyone brought food, and it was real food, not some cheap store bought food. Everything was homemade and full of personal effort. Mark brought out his photo equipment and we had a mini photoshoot with all the friends. It's moments like these that make me remember just exactly who I am.

I bought my last pack of cigarettes today. Forever. I'm going to the gym with Alex in an hour so I can lose this holiday weight. I ate so much good food. I spent so much time with my beautiful niece. I never got to see Jaycie, but that's okay.

I get new year's eve off, and work late new years day. Things are definitely looking up for me this new year. I need to remember to maintain my composure, my convictions, and most of all, my passion and zeal for life. This is my moment and I want to reveal myself to the world.

Fahrenheit

In my last post, I touched on the fact that I don't feel as artistic or creative as others, but there is one thing that I absolutely love doing. I love cooking. I know many people feel the same way, but I absolutely adore presentation. Converting from an omnivore to a pescatarian is difficult. Whenever I buy vegetables, I have to make sure I either eat them quickly, or dispose of them when they go bad. You can't buy in bulk and expect not to eat more than usual.

Today I made some mini cheesecakes. I enjoy doing motherly things. I enjoy cleaning, and cooking, and taking care of people. I'm making tons of mini-cheesecakes but I'm definitely not going to eat them all. I think about 4-5 times a year, I bring some baked goods to work. I just like having people eat my food, and enjoying it. It's a way to make other people happy. I should refrain from eating it myself though.

Being with Alex, I'm learning to be a lot more frugal. This Christmas excluded, because I'm in the mood for giving. I have my creative streaks. I'm creative for the sake of others, but not for myself.

December already?

I have spent an inordinate amount of time NOT updating this. No one knows it exists yet, but that's okay. I'm working on it. There are so many things that have happened to update about, but I don't think I will. It's time to look forward. No more looking at the past, but the present, and what it can do for my future.

I just turned 23, and I just finished my Fall semester as a Senior in college. It is time to relax, and take my mind off of things.

Goals:
- Eat more vegetables. Way more vegetables. and lay off the cheese.
- Exercise. and Yoga.
- Meditate
- Listen to all those albums I have yet to listen to.
- Work on me

I have spent 11 of the last 12 months as a pescetarian. It's too difficult for me to give up on seafood, but I have given up on eating land animals. I'm even working on ridding my diet of dairy and even eggs. It's expensive, and I tend to run out of ideas, but I think I just haven't been thinking hard enough, or creatively about how to do this.

Creativity. I think that's the key.